6/2/12

So today around 4 o’ clock, I went on a walk by myself around the neighborhood just to get my mind off some things. I didn’t leave a note or anything for my family, I literally just left. I had my music on full blast, not caring who or what was around me. Now, I usually don’t ever go on walks, especially not by myself. My first thought was “What if I get kidnapped or something?” To be honest, I really didn’t even care. I was just so frustrated about everything. I didn’t even realize where I was going until I reached a nearby park/field. I walked around to find some shade and sat under a tree for a good hour or so. I was surprised my family hadn’t called yet. They probably didn’t even notice but whatever.

Sitting there listening to music was pretty relaxing, until I got to thinking again. There was just so many thoughts and questions I had in mind. I looked back on the many mistakes I’ve made in the past and started to question why I never did anything to prevent them. I thought about the several times I’ve disappointed my family and loved ones and wondered why I was never good enough for them or was able to make them proud. Just a whole bunch of different things that have been bothering me. After a while, I figured I’d had enough of all of it so I got up and walked around some more. I got home a few hours later and acted like nothing ever happened.

Today was seriously not my day, but oh well. There’s always tomorrow

I should just shoot myself instead of everybody that pisses me off. One bullet vs a hundred bullets? Yeah, sounds reasonable. Sigh, life is such a pain in the ass.